Learning to Fly

in #life2 months ago



I have been sitting at my computer looking at a blank white page. I should be putting words on this blank white page. The problem with this line of thinking is I have gotten rusty doing any kind of creative anything.



I used water-based markers on the first page of Reptiloids II coloring book by Vasyl Sailo. Adding markers as a base to your coloring page takes away 'blank page syndrome'.



This year has been.....

This year was to be the year I got a handle on Doctors, my art, posts, making books, digital art, and so on. I was on an excellent roll as the year started. I had boughten a planner and used it in my own way. Let's not get crazy and think I really planned anything but with the help of my planner, I could look back and remember what I had done during the day and what was to come later in the month.

I was happy. It showed me how much I really did accomplish each and every day. I would write down why if I hadn't done as much in a day. It helped me not be so hard on myself for getting so little, according to some, done daily.

I was proud of how far I had come in my art journey. Drawing and coloring each day gave me a joy I had not felt in a long time. The end of March changed everything, and I put my life on hold for the next four months.



I started with the bright green leaves knowing looking at them come to life would make me happy.



My mind turned to survival mode.

I had two lives in my hands and no help from anyone.

My friends helped me the best they could, listening to me whine. I needed help with cooking and someone to stop over for a few hours so I could sleep for more than one hour at a time. But life isn't perfect, and we don't always get what we need. We learn to make do, and I did.



Next, I added some purple for color. This was the point where I almost gave up. Was that a tail and his back? Or just a tail? I decided to ignore it all and just keep on going.



Once home, it was time to take care of myself. Time to nurture my soul and get healthy again. I slept a lot. When awake, I was in a semi-daze. I would look at my computer desk and all my art supplies, and my brain shut down. Everything I had learned seemed to be hiding somewhere in my brain. It wanted to avoid coming out and playing. I was an empty shell of creativity.

This didn't mean I was gone from Hive or the people here. I would connect with my friends daily, but I wasn't myself for most of it. Those friends knew I had been through a lot, but I could feel their worry. I tried my best, and that was all I could do.

I found myself missing myself. I wanted to come back to life, but my brain had other ideas. Looking back, my brain knew better what I needed to focus on. Writing, art, and Hive would all be there when I was ready. I didn't have to be happy about not being able to post. I just needed to heal before I could fly once again.



Then came to color his body. It's not the correct color, but I love the shading, which made me happy to look at it.



I look at my computer desktop, and I have folders of photos I have taken that go along with never-written posts. I must stop getting upset when looking at those folders and know the posts will come in time. A recipe doesn't have a timeline! So know that delicious food posts are also coming.

This past week I have slowly been working on coloring some pages in books I have. I am sad looking at how much I have forgotten. I am also happy with how fast I am relearning everything I forgot too. The hardest part is knowing I need to relax and enjoy the process.



The final.



I can give up on being creative or take the time needed and slowly relearn what I once knew. It comes down to how badly am I willing to fight for the things that give me joy? In fighting for joy, I am also fighting for a better life. I never want to be that person who always blames others for their crappy lives.

My quiet time for today is soon coming to an end. I advise you to never give up on what ultimately brings you joy! Press On!!



Help someone smile today. It can not hurt you.


Snook



All photos are mine unless otherwise stated.



Gif made by @Snook



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LMFAO. Ye better tell Grandma to pull her top up.

HA! It's a man....

the girls arfe more girly...trust me :D

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I am very happy that you are recovering little by little, give yourself all the time you need to heal, it is a slow but necessary process.

In January I struggled with an anxiety that would not let me leave my house if I was not accompanied by another person, my legs were shaking, my hands were starting to sweat and pale, little by little I gave myself time and strength to face it and really which is something that no one wishes.

time later, to this day I can say that I am better, it still gives me anxiety sometimes but one learns how to deal with it

The last 3 years have really been hard on everyone. I am happy that you slowly worked on leaving the house alone. It's easy to say you can not do something and so brave to look at something head-on and spend the time getting over what you do not like in your life. You are a hero!!!

Thank you SO SO much for your comment!!

thanks you too for the kind words....

those type of situations are not easy for anyone... i really know how hard it is... but sometimes the only we left to do is to face it as brave as we can...

Lots of very wise words. I am glad to read that YOU are pressing on and getting your life and creative outlet back one step at a time. Maybe not in a linear fashion or when you want it most but, let's face it, such is life.

While I'm different, of course, I too can attest to the 'blank page / blank canvas syndrome'. It is awful. I have been wanting to write, blog, and also to paint for ages. At the moment, it feels like I'm sloooooowly getting bits and pieces together. And I am grateful for it, yet, I want more! But as our parents always said life is not a dream concert. Today I say, but I can dream anyway

Here's to our dreams!

Oh, and - lovely work on the mixing and shading of colors on that - what is it? - dragon?

Maybe not in a linear fashion or when you want it most but, let's face it, such is life.

^^^^ THIS!!!!!!

I think they are lizards? LOLL Not really sure though :D

yeah, finding time is becoming very rare but slowly plugging away.

HUGS!!!

Nice

Thank You!!

Everything I had learned seemed to be hiding somewhere in my brain.

I found myself missing myself. I wanted to come back to life, but my brain had other ideas.

I am SO grateful that you follow this with giving yourself grace. You just take all the damn time you need, and don't guilt yourself for a second! Everything you do has value, and it sounds like you keeping the planner helped you see that a bit more, to give yourself some of the empathy you give everyone else.

You are already amazing, don't fault yourself for the things that are out of your control. You keep that dang planner, and put a heart on every day that you make someone smile, okay?!

I'm happy that you know all those posts are like babies, they'll be born when their ready, and not a minute before !LOLZ 😂 I am proud of you for nurturing the parts of you that are ready to heal, you are one tough and resplendent lady 💕

Lastly, OMGosh this picture was a JOURNEY! Each time an updated version came into view I was astonished, you packed so much detail in there!! The leaves and texture of the sky blew my mind, is there anything you CAN'T do?! 😉

Thank you for sharing YOU, this was a beautiful post Snook ❤️!LUV !PIMP !PIZZA


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I really love my planner, in a non-planner way :D I use it all 'wrong' but it works for me and I get to use STICKERS!!!!!!!!! LOLL

I am so happy you like the coloring page :D THAT makes me happy!! Thank YOU!!

I hope you have time to sleep off all the turkey :D

HUGE HUGS!

I believe this is what is called "synchronicty"

I hit a wall yesterday and, for the first time in a while, just didn't feel like creating anything much.

I think sometimes life throws a ton at us and we so need to take some down time to allow things to settle.

And this is really hard to do for some of us. And if we don't then... burnout and so we have to anyway.

I also know that when I start getting grumpy and negative I've overloaded my brain with too much heavy stuff. And I need to balance it out with some joy and wonder again.

And I am currently grumpy again! 😬

So I chose to not create for a bit, to be a bit quiter and to meander around enjoying other people's stuff for a while to breathe a bit.

I found your post. :D

And I learned something new today!

Love the way you've redirected yourself and picked up something fun and light to suit and enhance your journey and present moment.

Smart 👏☝️

Stay you 💗

p.s. he's adorable!

No being Grumpy on my watch :D

but sometimes our bodies are smarter than are brains and when we do not listen it tells us what is what. You are just upset because you do not want to stop but know you have to for a little bit. The good thing is you still stay in a positive place reading posts and not go hide. THAT is important and ...going out on a limb... will say that is growth for you that we can all learn from!!

We all do what we can and I am so happy you are still here being YOU. YOU being happy brings me joy!!

See?

That's why I liked you straight up! Special lady 🌸

Thanks for being YOU. ❤️

good work :=)

Thank you!!

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Glad you got some creativity out! Looks like he wants to eat those purple birds tho. All sneakin'. They call those ambush predators. 😁

Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
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